Mass Comm
We had a one-day worker yesterday. Some bloke that was a fresh grad and came in to do some work with me but didn’t know how quickly to get out of the office. He took a look at me and said ‘I’m not working with him!’ and ran for the door.
No, not quite true, he didn’t say that, he didn’t run for the door, he just didn’t come back the next day. Understandable seeing as they had lied to him about his job scope, they were only paying him 6.50 per hour and he had to travel an hour and a half to get out here. Not good for somebody that’s recently graduated from uni and is expecting to rake in the big bucks.
He wanted to get into PR and he seemed a nice enough fellow, but I do have to say he didn’t have that innate PR instinct. Good PR people always PR. No matter whether they consider the person insignificant or unimportant, they should always PR as you never know when somebody might be useful. Great PR people do this simply because they really enjoy talking to other people.
This bloke did neither. We went out with my boss to have a bit of food at lunch and the bloke just hung on his phone and talked to his friends. Now that’s very nice, but even if a person is a boss for only one day it might be wise to try to at least be nice to them. You can never know when you’ll meet a person again.
You never know whom they might know, whom they might talk to, who they might influence or how many degrees of separation there might be between them and your desired future employer.
Of course whom am I to say these kind of things as I’m not terribly good at being nice to people. My sense of humour is far to unacceptable for that. Oh well, at least I wasn’t educated as a mass comm. guy.
Time to go back to work.
The only difference between genius and insanity is success.
-Mark Twain
"To cease smoking is the easiset thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times."
The Machine
Well, still locked out of my blog. I think it will soon be time for some heads to roll. Not that I have the time for it. Have to write articles tonight. Wrote articles yesterday as well. As Liana already said, I didn’t manage to finish mine, hope to do so later.
New guy joined us at work today. Fresh grad, doesn’t really want to be here, is only meant to be here for a few weeks to do some project and is being paid peanuts. I guess I wouldn’t want to be here either if I was him. Been out of school since February and unemployed. Frustrated because all the people around him already have jobs. I guess that’s how it goes. I was pretty unhappy when I didn’t work for a year and a half.
Things are looking slightly better at work. They also look a lot more busy in the near future. I’ll be fine though, I’m always fine. I’ve never had a real problem with being too busy with stuff. Its all for a good cause, that cause being getting the hell out of Singapore. About bloody time to, can’t stay here much longer before I go screaming loony and Don my duck man caped crusader suit.
Nobody messes with the duck man. After all, he’s especially good at ducking, ducking it out, Peking duck and is best served with French fries.
In two months Liana and me will be free of the debts that we incurred in more then one year of my unemployment. After that I’ll still need to pay off my dad, but hopefully we might be able to start saving. Its still kind of hard to have to hand over three fourths of the cash you make just to pay of the debts incurred before. I guess that’s the way it goes. It makes it clear to me, however, that I would never want to live under a mortgage. Screw owning, that’s a man made concept anyway.
I would rather rent and know I can stop paying that rent by just leaving the place I’m in. Fiscal obligations suck. Fiscal obligations are what is keeping me and Liana chained to this little island where we both would rather no longer be. My second paycheck came in on Saturday and I’m already pretty much certain that we still wont be able to start saving for our trip yet. Heck, I’m already moving back some payments to next month.
It will all be fine as long as I keep on working. I guess I’ve been swallowed whole by the machine after all. I just hope I can get a job I like a little bit better. This corporate stuff is scary and absolutely not what I want to do.
Banned
So it’s now for sure. My office has banned me from my Blog. As you can see I can still post on it, but I can’t see anything anybody else says. That means I’ll have to wait till home before I can respond to your comments. Not that it really matters as the comments normally put up here aren’t all that interesting anyway. Hah!
Funny, apparently they haven’t yet managed figure out from where I post, it being a password protected web site. They must have gotten annoyed with me sending over large amounts of text. A bit strange, really, considering that I should be allowed to type what I want during my free time (i.e. my breaks and my lunch) as long as it does nothing to endanger Philips.
I think we can all agree that my philosophical rambling doesn’t endanger Philips very much at all. People would be hard pressed to find anything up there that would be damaging for the Philips ego.
I guess they want me to work harder. A subtle stab at me and my ways. I wonder who made the decision though and if anybody told them ‘hey, he’s European, they normally appreciate honest up front behavior. In fact this kind of backbench maneuvering has a tendency to piss them off.’
Another theory is that they don’t like swear words and that’s why I’ve been banned from there. They find out that bad words have been sent to a website so they balance access to it. I don’t know, lets see if they will rescind their decision without my interfention. I’ve only got a month left to go, after that I’ll hopefully move computers and accounts and I hope that the ban goes for all accounts.
Cheeky bastards.
short
A quick one for today, don’t have a lot of time. Have to go the circus today. It’s been a while since I’ve been to the circus. Sometime in Holland if I remember. Vague memories of too many clowns in a car, people standing on each other’s shoulders and elephants.
Truth be told it wasn’t too exciting, except when that woman went splat because she missed catching the other bar in the trapeze. Oh wait, no, that was a sexual fantasy.
Liana is upstairs watching the first half of the last season of sex in the city. I got a little annoyed with it. Liked the ones before this one, but this one is a bit too much about marriage and (truth be told) the women are just getting a little too old.
I don’t have much to say today, so I’ll just end it there. I guess its good to not always write too much, in case people start having too many expectations. Can’t have expectations, life’s a whole lot more enjoyable if you don’t have any expectations.
all dots, no dashes
I took a large chunk of yesterday’s post, reedited it and sent it to the Today paper. Lets see what they think. Liana seemed to enjoy it so lets hope its not too bad. It wouldn’t do for me send bad quality stuff in.
Went to lunch with my boss and her boss. It was interesting. Useful, as my boss wasn’t going to get on my back in front of her boss (after all, what would her boss think?). We ate at the sizzler and discussed everything from education to cpf. Probably all my fault, I always manage to tackle subjects that are a little, well, touchy. Whats the use of dicussing if we’re not going to discuss anything interesting?
Today is Adrian’s last day. He’s the guy that sits next to me. I think he must have mentioned it three dozen times so far. I guess you would, though, wouldn’t you? Well, you would if it was something that you’ve been looking forward to for the last couple of months. Its funny, just as he leaves he gets to do work that he actually enjoys doing (he’s a three D computer graphic artist, or how ever you call those people) The entire time he was here he didn’t get close to a graphic file and in the end he gets to make a full fledged three dee animation. Life has a funny way of creeping up on you.
Yes, you’ve probably noticed that I do not have terribly much to say. Started writing my first short story last night, but I don’t think I’ll put them up here. The buggers would be far too big for a quick scan.
Liana stopped smoking since yesterday 11 o’clock. Not too long but I’m considering just buying her a pack of cigarettes and getting it over with. Just look at
her blog to see what I mean. She’s suffering. It might well be more harmful for her to stop then to continue. The fact is, she would like to stop but really sees it more as a severe reduction. Experience tells me that a ‘severe reduction’ A doesn’t work B doesn’t work and C frustrates the piss out of everybody around the person trying because it doesn’t work, but they still have to deal with the grumpiness.
Either that or I’ll harass the piss out of her, especially considering the way she’s been so far, that might be real good fun. See if I can cause her to spontaneously combust. I might have to run real fast after that, but it could be a good laugh. Like Chinese water torture. Drip drip drip drip….
The worlds funniest joke (they say)
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
courtesy of
Laugh Lab
Footbal and Censorship
So Holland finally wins their first game in this European cup. Hurrah. Truth be told, its still the bloody Germans that handed us the change to continue into the quarter finals. That and the Czechs playing well enough with their B team to win the thing. It was basically the Czechs decision who got to go into the quarter finals and keep playing. Apparently they liked the Dutch more then the Germans. Thank god for the Second World War (just kidding! (Kind off)).
It might be important to note that the Dutch companies in the Czech republic did offer a million dollars, or euros, or something like that if the Czechs won. Which is probably a bit of extra motivation for them. Of course if the Germans would have offered a million dollars then it would have been corrupt. Throwing the match. Nothing wrong with asking them to try even harder though, right? Strange world.
On a side note there was an interesting article in the Today paper that claims that they will no longer show images of the beheadings happening in Iraq and Saudi Arabia. They said that they did not want to cater to the terrorists and said that this self imposed censorship would take away the reason for the terrorists doing what they did. They said that we should support this type of censorship and called on us to choose to do it on the internet as well.
I disagree. Censorship is wrong (though the Singaporean government might not see it that way). It is only through seeing both the bad and the good that we can understand the world around us. By hiding what is ugly we skew the people’s worldviews and make them misunderstand what is occurring.
If there are no pictures people might forgive them. In ten years times the words in the articles will be forgotten and the world might start seeing the terrorists as something else (liberators or freedom fighters). That should not happen. The images will stay in our mind much longer then the words and they will remind us who these people are, what these people have done.
This was what Abu Ghraib was all about. There were dozens of stories floating around on the internet that discussed the abuse and horror of what was going on. Nobody cared, nobody listened. It was only when the pictures came out that somebody said ‘hey, hold on a minute’ and then, suddenly, outrage. A picture is worth a thousand words.
If people are really afraid that this will cause international hatred towards the Muslim world, despite the fact that there are only a small faction doing these horrible misdeeds then the newspapers, TV stations and magazines should stop being so skewed in their representation of the war. If they would stop sensationalizing and start educating more people would realise the truth.
These images shouldn’t be taken out of the paper, instead more images should be added. Different images, better images. Images with the right headlines ‘boy saves American soldier’ ‘crowd cheers saviours’ ‘women help free prisoner’ ‘more then two hundred soldiers married local girls’. Where are those stories?
Somebody is bound to respond ‘we don’t print those, because nobody wants to see them’. Well I believe a newspaper’s job isn’t to give people what they want to hear, its to give them what they need to hear.
Some English newspaper tsar who maintained the highest reader total in the history of the English newspapers was once asked if it wouldn’t be wiser to poll the people and find out what they wanted to read about. He scoffed at that and said ‘The people will read what I want them to read’ and that was that. It worked for him, so maybe it worked now. Don’t give them less, give them more.
Short thread, long story
Alright, have to keep my entry short for today as I’ve promised (myself and Liana) that I’ll do more work at work. I’m a lazy bastard, so I don’t know how long I’ll keep it up, but I did just do three straight hours of work, which is pretty effective work for me.
I had a new idea yesterday night. About me writing something that I actually might be able to do. This is, again, related to my laziness and my inability to continue going with a project that I’ve lost faith in and no longer enjoy doing. I’ve canceled so many writing projects because I’m not happy with them that its not even funny.
So I’ve been thinking about writing short stories for a while now. The only serious problem with that is that I don’t feel I can say enough of what I want to write about in a short story. The ideas that roam around in my head always need more space then a couple of pages.
Then along comes the book train spotting (part of an omnibus that includes other books by Irvine Welsh) which is basically a collection of short stories
tied together by a central theme. Now mind you, there are probably dozens of books out there that do exactly the same as this one (and they’re all called train spotting), but I had just never come across them.
So now I’m thinking about doing that with my stories. They all happen in one place (a sci-fi place that has been drifting through my head under utilised for about six or seven years now) and through the short stories, which will in many ways be similar to our own lives, though in stark ways very different, there will be a central theme and story running in the background.
Huge gaps can be left in the story, to be filled by a reader’s imagination and the story can be told from dozens of different character’s points of view, what ever I feel like telling. Sounds like a brilliant plan to me. Though I might be biased (and desperate to write) so lets hear what you have to say about it.
I’ll tell the general story of Neo Gaia some other time, if there is general interest (which, with two readers, would be quite hard). Well, at least if somebody steals my idea, I’ll know who to kill.
Evolution
A spot of good news on this dreary day, in this Washington Post
poll. Bush is still losing support at home, with Kerry now officially listed as being trustworthier then Mr. Pubic Hair. Understandable, really, it’s just amazing that it took them all so long to figure out that he was full of Bushit.
Bush is now losing support on the ‘war on terror’ front. The American people finally realise that the war in Iraq was a feint and not really related to battling al Quada at all. The really great news is that even though the economy is improving in the US Bush’s support is still on the slide.
I hope I’ll be able to look back at this entry some day and go ‘I wasn’t really worried about him winning, was I? The American people weren’t that stupid’. It looks more and more likely, with Bush’s propaganda machine digging its own grave very effectively.
Its funny how this presidential race is changing the entire face of political campaigns. The Internet taking over, in large part, from the TV and radio. Millions upon millions of people collecting their ideas, beliefs and arguments from this cyber jungle.
The big thing that one article noticed correctly (I think) is that rather than helping people get a better idea of what is going on, the internet seems, instead, to promote extremist beliefs. People go to those web sites that promote their own beliefs. How many people, really, want to read what they disagree with? I’ve done it myself on occasion (though I try to do it less now). ‘Pfah, what this guys says is complete nonsense!’ and then I kill that page. Looking instead for something that suits my taste and agrees with my views.
That could be dangerous, as there is nobody checking on the truthfulness of what other people say. Nobody can, there is way too much information out there. So people can make up lies and have them spread around, becoming truths to the general public. People can edit photos, make up stories and create fables with the press of a button.
I guess its up to places like
fact check and similar websites to try to get people accept what is true and what isn’t. Now we just have to educate people to be as sceptical as possible of what they read, hear and see. A skill that, with this overflow of information, has become more important then ever.
-Jeseph Joubert
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."
The learning process
Another well behaved weekend. Spent yesterday eating curry, harassing each other and watching movies. The most exciting thing that happened was probably seeing a really big spider hanging in a tree. It was nice, I’m feeling clear headed and I’m capable of actually thinking straight. What two weekends of none party can do.
Of course, that might just be a placebo effect. After all, I’m imagining that since I behaved well I should feel good. So I feel good. Sounds plausible enough and I iminage that I’ll never know the truth. Not that it matters, as I feel good and that’s all that concerns me at this point in time.
In the office today, have to start catching up on some work real bad, but I don’t want to. That’s why I’m writing on my blog. I have an innate give for procrastination. Its as if I was put on this world to procrastinate. Thank god it wasn’t me who put myself on this world, because in that case I would probably still be putting it off ‘oh, they wont need me till tomorrow’.
I’m starting to wonder if I’ll actually be able to use this blog to remind myself of anything that happened. Probably not. All I seem to do here is blabber on about nothing at all. I’ll read it back in a couple of years and wonder ‘what the hell was going on in my life?’
Maybe I should spend more time talking about the stuff that actually /is/ going on in my life. Bit boring though. Especially considering that my babe is already doing it and I doubt people really want to read two stories from different perspectives about the same thing.
Lets start making it common practice to mention at least one interesting detail from the day, however.
Ok, today I’ll talk about Liana’s birthday. It’s a really cool idea that she’s got into her head now. Going down to BK for a weekend and doing our own thing down there. Going a bit mad (sorry, going mad a bit more), chasing the lady boys (drink will do that to you) and making general fools of ourselves before we get booted out of the country by angry looking Thai people.
The only real shame is the lack of beach in Bangkok. Though, truth be told, we’ve seen quite a bit of beach over the last couple of weekends. Living on a bloody island with pretty nice beaches and we feel the need to go to some other country’s beach. Never mind that.
I think the real challenge is finding something to write about. I’m still learning though. Learning how to cope with writing something interesting everyday.
Yes, I realise you don't give a damn
No nonsense kind of guy
I could write about how fun Sentosa was yesterday and how it was all brilliant (after the first pub, which was really annoying because everybody had ‘attitude’ and as a result we felt really stressed out.) but I won’t, because
Liana Banana has undoubtedly written it out in great detail and, truth be told, I’m not much in the mood for talking about how wonderful my day was. So instead I’m going to talk about how I’m going to kill Liana’s brother, Loobz, with a big sharp stick.
It will be an anal insertion and it will come hard and fast. (deep and well lubricated) I’m going to have to enlist the help of some friends who know more about anal insertion, as I’m not an expert on the field, but I’m hoping they will teach me how to make him scream loudly (and walk up straight, because, after all, he’ll have a stick up his ass).
Why would I want to kill him? Well he did call me a turkey (not the country) and a slong, but that’s not really the reason. The reason for his untimely demise will be, quite simply, because I am, deep down, a complete psychopath.
I also have a fascination with earwigs. The living kind, mind you, not the cotton covered kind. In secret I am trying to create carnivorous earwigs. They would be great for party tricks. I’ve got a whole secret laboratory hidden away underneath a public building and while people /think/ I’m working I’m really experimenting on poor unsuspecting foreigners who nobody will miss anyway, seeing as they are guest workers and from poor countries anyway.
The thing in my office? I carefully altered inflatable doll that I bought from a sex magazine. It always has its mouth open so it looks very similar to me. I’ve got a little tape recorder that keeps singing the song that never ends and nobody has, as yet, seen through my carefully crafted illusion.
I think I’ve given away enough of my dirty little secrets, so I’ll stop for now.
Oh, if anybody thinks I was kidding at any time during this post, I wasn’t. Its all true, oh yes, and the monsters do live under your bed, I should know, because I put them there.
-Ayn Rand
"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?"
Fooling my future
Every day I come to my blog and secretly hope that I’ve already written something while I wasn’t looking. For some odd reason it hasn’t worked yet. I mean, I don’t mind writing my blog, I just mind the amount of /time/ I spend writing. I start and then 45 minutes later I stop and I wonder ‘what just happened?’
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m a nutter, but I’m still capable of realising that time passes when you do something. I just don’t have to like it, right? Why are there so few hours in the day? That’s the basic question I would like to ask. Which jerk decided that we should only have 24 hours?
I think I’m finally starting to get used to this work rhythm, though it might be largely responsible for eating away my time. Suddenly a 10 hour chunk that I used to have is no longer there. I might have managed to get one or two of those hours back by sleeping less, but that still leaves eight unrecovered hours.
What to do about it? I say nuts, that’s what I say (you didn’t actually expect a solution, did you?)
Loobz and myself have been discussing ‘ayam belandaa’ in the little conversation thing on the right and I thought I should mention it here so that on some day, somewhere far in the future, I can read back about it and go ‘oh yeah, we discussed that’. Of course I wont know what it /means/ at that time, because I haven’t yet included the translation to English (and my Malay is pretty much limited to ‘baby’ and elektronik), but that will just be too bad for me then, won’t it?
Yes, I’m playing a joke on myself. My future self, as a matter of fact. I’ll read this back and I’ll be annoyed, because I’ll go ‘damn, I got me!’.
You think I might suffer from multiple personality disorder? Hi future, meet present, past got lost somewhere along the way and he’ll be along any minute now.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m being exceptionally funny, today, or if I’m just being exceptionally stupid. Probably nothing exceptional about it at all, just the mindless meandering of the meaningless mind.
I think I should leave it at that, though first I’ll make a little anagram, so that I might be able to figure out, at some later date, what ayam belandaa means ‘I ken che cunt’ (no, I’m not very good at anagrams).
Good bye
Musing
Its funny how people grow quiet whenever I talk about something that would be considered 'public dissent'. I see they consider what I say, that they think about it, but they always avoid making comments about it. It’s quite humorous for somebody who discusses politics on a regular basis (and often disagrees with what the mainstream considers acceptable.)
Today, for instance, I stumbled back upon my ‘did you know…’ plan. This plan involves secretly postering parts of the town with ‘did you know…’ and then a ‘blah’ of something or other that most people don’t know but the government still does.
Like the government giving tax incentives to doctors that choose not to maintain the patient doctor confidentiality agreement. I think people in Singapore would be interested to know that. Would they do anything with the information? Doubtful, though they might just complain in the paper that the government should crack down on people that put up these kind of posters.
Keep it going long enough, I was thinking, and somebody is bound to get just a little annoyed. Possibly even start questioning some of the things that the government does. That would be good.
The only response the people at the table could give me was ‘see you in jail’. Pretty sharp, but not all that helpful to my philosophical musing.
I wonder, sometimes, if Singapore has a good chance to make it out of its current predicament. Without a true opposition party to challenge what the Singapore government does it seems hard for them to implement change. Change, in this day and age, seems essential.
As does critical thought. Critical thought, I might add, is one of the true weaknesses of most Singaporeans. The inability to doubt the things around them, I believe, makes it hard for them to innovate. Almost every innovation, I believe, starts off with somebody asking a question (be it conscious or otherwise) ‘does it have to be this way?’ and then realizing it doesn’t.
That’s how home computers were invented. Somebody came along, saw the mainframes and wondered ‘does it have to be that way’ and then said ‘no!’ and made them for home use.
Questioning happens in general, though, not in specific. You cant specify ‘you can only ask questions about this field’ Though some people might be able to do it, you create freaks. People that don’t notice that one leg is longer then the other and that they keep walking in circles.
But that’s just my thought.
Football Freaks
Watched the football last night. One one between the Dutch and the Germans. Bloody twits couldn’t get their act together, despite the fact that everybody, in general, agreed that the Dutch were the better team.
The reason? The Dutch players are all bloody divas! They are ‘Presila queen of the dessert!’ in the end they did start to play together a bit and managed to draw the game (as the bloody Germans had scored a goal in the beginning) but it still sucked chicken cock.
What was nice was the immense turn up at the Dutch club. There must have been near on 200 people there. All up at 2.30 in the morning to ‘enjoy’ the first game of the Dutch and the Germans. It was quite surprising for me that there were so many people, but what was even more surprising was the large German minority that moved through the room and cheered at the moments the Dutch booed, and booed as the Dutch roared their approval to the stars.
There was no tension. While the Dutch players on the field couldn’t even be forgiving enough of each other to manage to play in the same team (Kluivert and van Nisteroy refuse to play on a field together) the Dutch (and Germans) of the pitch are capable of watching a game side by side (with large amounts of alcohol) without any animosity.
There was a guy there who I knew, who worked for the Dutch club’s sport commission serving alcohol behind the bar (as most of the staff probably didn’t want to work at 2.30 on a Tuesday) and he told me, afterwards, that he was amazed by what had gone on. He had never witnessed something like that, he said.
I guess its not every day that you see two hundred orange wearing, flag waving, cheering mad (wo)men consuming huge quantities of beer without getting into any serious trouble. The nationalistic feelings of the Dutch might have come as a slight surprise, as well. After all, the Dutch are normally quite un nationalistic, even quite critical. He must have thought that extends over every field and, in many ways, be a qualifying factor of the Dutch. In many ways he’s probably right, except in football. Football is important to the Dutch, especially if it means we might win from the Germans, after all they still have to give us back our bikes!
I was amazed there were that many Dutch people in all of Singapore, truth be told. I knew there must be, but I never saw them. I’m not sure if it was because I was hiding from them or they from me. Probably a bit of both. One Dutch person around is enough for my taste, and I already see him every morning in the mirror.
-B.J. Zanzibar
"Sanity is relative. For some of us, it's just a distant cousin."
Megalomania? Me?!
It is time to write my daily entry in my Blog, that’s an important thing for the ruler of the world to do, you know? In later generations there will be thousands of people that will want to read through my daily mumblings, just to gleam the wisdom of my ways. They will say then, ‘what a genius, how he understood everything so well. If they would have just only realised that he was the second messiah’.
But that’s okay, they don’t need to know, just as long as you, my faitful followers, realise that you are graced by the light of the world’s presidency.
So far no body guard application. I imagine that must be because everybody knows I don’t really need protection. After all, who would want to hurt my beautious personal body? It would be like spitting at the feet of the Lord!
I’m still trying to decide on my latest decree. It should be something moving, something all important. Something like ‘thou shalt not eat pork’ but then not quite as important and fundemental.
I’m debating between ‘thou shalt work less hard, for the world will still exist tomorrow’ and ‘none shall rise before nine, as everybody is far too grumpy before then’.
Maybe it would be best off if I combined them.
‘Thou shalt not rise before nine and thou shalt not work to hard for there is no need to be grumpy, as the world will still exist tomorrow.’
That’s it! That’s my newest decree. I hereby write this into holy law, may the start change their allignment so that this will be one of the fundemental truths of the universe.
Now, where is my damned cup of tea? Where are my slave… uh… friends that are a different colour from myself.
My first decree(s)
As president of the world I have several decisions that must be obeyed. This is for the good of all mankind, so please do not struggle. Oh yeah, and if you see anybody else break the rules, please gently hit them in the back of the head with a large stick.
1. After the age of 20 all parents will no longer be able to order, cajole or demand anything of their children, they will only be allowed to suggest, once, maybe twice if this, in their eyes, is a matter of life or death.
1b. As a sub rule to rule one, it should be known that a child is /not/ their parent, even if they did come from the same body, and therefore they should not be forced to believe the same things as their parents. As a matter of fact,
1c. A parent should be officially required to teach their kid to take everything said to them critically /including/ what the parents say!
Decided to throw that decree out as my first, seeing as I have to see my Girlfriend's mother tomorrow and she has me quacking in my boots (me! The president of the world! Quacking!)so, even if this one seems a little out of place, it is justified.
Oh yes, I'll be looking for some body guards. They will be paid nothing outside of an occassional sandwich and some friendship... oh yeah and the honour of serving the most important person in the world.
Thank you for this honour
You might not know it yet, but I am the new president of the world. Elected in full accordance of the law. I held elections with several nominated candidates, including myself, fondue and the little green men from mars. Everybody, except for myself, abstained from voting. Which I thought was very poor form. Therefore, by a majority of one, I became president of the world. About time two, if nobody even cares to cast their vote, then its about time somebody like me took over.
If anybody decides a recount is in order, they should know I’ve already had ten. Here is one more, just so that you’re absolutely certain its all fair and in accordance with the law. ‘One for Jelte ten Holt’ right, done. Thank you very much, now go get me a cup of tea. (In case anybody wondered, Fondue did try to vote, but he is a mouse, so his vote didn't count).
In case anybody calls into question my authority, I’ve used the ancient and much used English system of sticking a flag into the ground. Nobody has ever called the technique into question when they used it, so I don’t see any reason why anybody should question it now.
Admittedly, there is one difference. When they stuck their flags into the ground in foreign countries they had the advantage that nobody there had a flag yet. It would go something like this:
“this is ours now!”
“but, but… we live here!”
“Do you have a flag?”
“Well, no...”
“Well, you can’t have a country without a flag, everybody knows that, so since it was unclaimed, its ours now”
and the deed was done, England discovered India.
The problem now, however, is that everybody has caught onto that theory. so everybody has flags. Which should mean I can’t claim the territories (again). I found a very easy solution to that. I’ve created THE flag. It’s white. Since white includes all the other colours that therefore means my flag is superior to everybody else’s. Since its superior, its better, which means their flags can’t compete. Why have a superior army, when you can have a superior flag?
“We’ll shoot you!”
“No you won’t, my flag is much better then yours”
“oh! What an oversight on our part, please excuse us, would you take my seven virgin daughters as compensation for that horrible insult and, oh yes, please rule us”
I’m sure that the UN will soon ratify my decision and the world newspapers will declare me the new world ruler. Of course I’ll only be president for only one term. It wouldn’t do for me to be seen as a dictator. Fortunately I’ll probably still have enough time to do what needs to be done, seeing as one term lasts for exactly 100 years. I might run for office again, after that.
I think I’ll go away now and mediate on what my first decree should be. It should be something earth shattering. Something that nobody has thought off before. Like… ‘Thou shalt not kill’. That would put people straight, no more wars then. Yes, yes… that might well be my first decree. Let me think on it for a while, first, however.
Projectile Vomiting
Would who ever commissioned the construction project in my head please only have the jackhammer guys going when I’m not actually in? I’m out of my mind often enough that that shouldn’t be a problem.
Went out and killed brain cells last night. Wasn’t alone in the endeavor to make myself even stupider. I imagine my brain my look like Swiss cheese, or he Korean minefield after the passage of a group of refugees.
I’ve always wanted to be a minefield explorer. The danger, the excitements (the benefits!) During the Vietnam war the Vietcong sometimes had to cross a minefield fast. They would take one of their prisoners (or a kid) and tell them that freedom was that way! (Minefields are hard to spot) if they prisoner made it, then he got shot, if he didn’t, well at least they got a couple of passes in. Time to try it again.
Spoke with Hooker this morning, it turns out I’m not the only one who has an entire basketball team practicing in my head. He was cleaning half digested chicken out of his bathroom, this morning, so he must have enjoyed himself.
Didn’t do too much better. At least no half digested chickens, though not for lack of trying. If I would have eaten any chickens in the last week or so, believe me, they would have been found in my bathroom this morning (or in my office, a little later this same morning).
Somebody told me last night that I was a funny writer. Probably one of those things he just said, after somebody told him I write ‘yeah, you’re a funny writer, what magazine do you write for again?’ Still, it did good things for my ego, so I guess that’s probably why I’m trying to be really witty in this post. I know I can’t make it, but that’s a bit like that chicken that I was talking about before, if there was any humour inside of me, I will get it out, if its only through the sheer amount of words I’m throwing at this page.
Ray Charles is dead (not really funny, I admit, but worth mentioning). Apparently, according to my girlfriend, he played a mean game of chess, despite being as blind as a bat at a trance party. That’s pretty cool, I wish I could play chess blind, like that. Last time I saw him was in blues brothers 2000, I just remembered. That movie is getting old already, I really need to get some more blues tapes and cassettes (listen to me, that’s so this morning!)
Right, I’m rambling, giving it up, sure I had some important things to say, but they were drowned out by the outpour of my subconscious mind.
Oh yeah, another quote:
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."
Jacob Chanowski
"It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it."
[not just studies, either]
Drinking Gold
Here is the recipe for a drink that holds real gold (the decadence!) pulled from an
article that justifies eating for a lot of money. Lets just say it has the frugal Dutchman convinced. Enjoy!
World Cocktail
1/4 ounce plain vodka
Edible 23-karat gold-leaf sheet (available at baker's supply stores)
1 ounce Remy Martin XO Cognac
1 ounce Pineau des Charentes aperitif wine
1 ounce white grape juice
1 ounce simple syrup (3 parts water to 1 part sugar)
1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice, strained
Dash of Angostura bitters
Veuve Clicquot Champagne, chilled.
1. Pour vodka in a shallow bowl. Tear off small pieces of the gold leaf with tweezers, avoiding squeezing or folding it (thick pieces will sink). Float the pieces on the vodka.
2. Combine the rest of the ingredients (except gold leaf, vodka and Champagne) in an iced metal shaker. Shake vigorously and pour into a trumpet flute, filling 3/4 of the way. Top with Champagne.
3. Pour in the vodka, letting the gold slide onto the surface.
Yield: 1 drink with extra.
Grease nose
I had a beer last night and it had that bitter bitter taste of the ‘I’m still sick’ syndrome. Its something along the lines of ‘if it tastes like that, I know I’m still/ getting sick’. So from that I’ve drawn the conclusion that I’m not wholly well yet. Truth be told, I don’t feel wholly well yet, so I guess that that could be used as supportive evidence. My nose feels like its been filled with solidified grease, as does my head, now that I think about it. Maybe I should wash my face more thoroughly at night.
You’re really starting to wonder why you read this crap, huh? Yeah, I wonder why I write it too. Certainly not for your enjoyment! I think I write it because, at heart, I’m an exhibitionist and they won’t let me strip in public, in this country. Gone are the days of yore where I would shop in the nude (made it easy to try on clothes) or would hang my winkie in my beer glass, before I would drink it, so that none of my friends would quickly scull my glass while I wasn’t looking, or off ‘wetting a wall’.
Sitting three in a row, dicks in our glasses, discussing the women walking by and spilling our drinks if a woman walked by that was just slightly too hot. ‘Damn! She was hot, need another beer here! Don’t you just love it how that cools your balls?’
They always say beer is good for hair, so that possibly explains why I’ve got such a big bushel on my bullocks. (Did you know Microsoft word recognises the word bullocks? Pretty amazing, all things considered, what it does and doesn’t recognise).
So I guess that’s why I write blogs now, where I used to expose myself physically, I now expose myself psychologically, demonstrating, for all to see, how my personality is cobbled together from stolen bits of other people and game show hosts. That’s the way it should be, however, as game show hosts should be elevated to national heroes.
Oh, one last thing, they have finally found a show that I might watch on Singaporean TV. Singapore Idol! It is going to be such a blast, watching the inherently easily embarrassed Singaporeans being slaughtered on the screen. I just wish I got to be Simon, however. That local guy is clearly not going to be up to scratch and it would be /so/ much fun to be allowed to make people feel really, really bad about themselves for a living.
Back at work
Hurrah. Back at work. Well, at least there is one advantage to it all, it means I’m healthier then I was previously. Actually had another sick day signed by the doctor I saw yesterday, but decided not to take it. Decided two days away was enough and I’m hoping that someone, somewhere, will notice that I could have taken a day off and didn’t. ‘Look at his dedication, wanted to get back before the doctor advised it!’ Yeah right.
Anyways, I have a theory that we should, somehow, figure out a way to simultaneously make the entire world population lazier. It would be brilliant! Since everybody would be working less there would be no consequences of us all working less, plus unemployment would drop, because more people would be needed to do the same amount of work.
True, the cost of living would go up, seeing as anything that requires man hours would become ten percent more expensive, but live expectancy would also rise, and the need for medical care would drop (as stress is a major contributor to illness), so it would balance itself out, with lower premiums on insurance and all that.
I’m still most confused by this ‘drive for cash’ that everybody has gotten into their system. What? Does that Rolex really make people happier? ‘Yeah, my wife left me and my daughter is closer to the milkman, then to me, but at least I’ve got two houses, that will cheer me up! That way the people that have stopped loving me can get even further away from my miserable existence!
Of course, just like everybody else I’ll probably find myself infected with the ‘me need mo money’ bug sooner or later. I just hope its later, a lot later, when I’m living on one of the last islands that hasn’t been turned into a tourist resort, living like a king of a grand total of 20 dollars a day. Writing travel articles and books, from my hammock. It will infect me and I’ll go ‘oh, I need more money’ but then, because I’m far too comfortable in my hammock and can’t reach the phone (as that would require moving my hand all of three inches) it will pass and I will say “those people in the first world, they’ve got it all wrong. Money doesn’t make happy, just like happy doesn’t make money. They should say money doesn’t /need/ happy, just like happy doesn’t need money.”
Ham and cheezy
Since I’m not in a positive mood I’ll write about a place that always /puts/ me in a positive mood
Ham and Cheez!
If you’re looking for truly disturbing, funny, toilet humour that requires the intelligence of a fried sausage (with a side order of onions) go look there. Sure to bring your spirits up.
Nonsense
Second day on MC (Medical Certificate, for the uninitiated (meaning you get off work sick, for the truly uninitiated)). Feeling better now, but that’s probably largely through the pills dissolving at the bottom of my stomach. Hope they aren’t taking part of my stomach with them.
I’ve got a couple of things to say, but I probably wont be able to remember them, now that I’m sitting here. Always think of things that I could write up here, but then when I get here I draw a blank. Blank mind, blank screen, that kind of thing.
First off, I’m now running an rpg online. Not that anybody would care, but I might as well mention it. Its going through the website http://www.grace_land.blogspot.com (so yeah, its another blog here) and its being played by a friend and myself.
Two, I don’t really like my job and should really start looking into finding something that requires slightly more mental activity. This might partially be due to my illness, though. I’m hoping it is. I’m hoping it wont be as bad when I go back tomorrow as I’m now expecting it to be. It just doesn’t feel very good, it’s not me, its not where I want to be. Its corporate and I’m just not, well, corporate. I can’t deal with this needing to get an MC when I’m ill, for instance. What, do they think I’m lying? I’ve now had to spend 50 bucks to get medicine, which I rather wouldn’t take, and take a number of hours where I could be resting, to run down to hospitals, so as to get a stupid little piece of paper that says ‘yes, he really is sick’.
I feel a bit pointless. The place is too big, yeah I’m doing something that could be important, but because there is so many people doing so many things, I can’t be very effective. There are constantly walls in the way, things that have to be worked around, people that have to be satisfied. We can’t do that because we would owe that department favours, we can’t do that because something else has to be done first, we can’t do that because this, that, thus and them.
I feel I don’t really want to learn anymore about it. That’s not like me, normally I have this thirst for knowledge, this desire to understand, I’m losing that here. I’m bored. Its not mentally engaging, its not what I want to do. Enough. I’m complaining again. Lets move onto something else. What ever that might be.
I think I better start sending out my CV again. Maybe see if I can find somebody else who needs somebody. I doubt it will work, seeing as I have no experience, but at least I can try to get something going on, somewhere else. Work on my CV, hope for the best.
Ok, I’m not enjoying writing this today, I’m far to negative, far to bleak. Hope its all the illness, try to talk again when I’m more upbeat.
Feeling like a donkey's bottom
Bad day, not feeling very good. head ache, stuffy nose, bad throat, bleah. Tried to get a Medical Certificate earlier, but the doctor was booked full. So they told me to go into town to get an MC there. Yeah right, go out into a busy town feeling like crap. Decided to give it a bit more time, hope that it improves (felt like it was getting a little better). Doesn't seem to be working all that well. I look at the screen and my head goes 'woing woing woing', what ever that might mean.
Liana is at home, suffering through the grips of PMS. All the more reason to go home (I have to be like one of the only guys in this world that says that, but its true, she tries to chew my head off, sometimes, but mainly she is just terribly apologetic).
Haven't actually been able to do any work yet, so its not like its in anyway useful for me to be here. But then there is the consideration of having to fork over 37 bucks to get to go home. Don't know if its worth it, especially since I spent almost all my money already anyway.
Maybe I can rob somebody 'give me your money or I'll rub my mucus all over you'. 'I've got aids, I've got aids!'
right, a bit of black humour, just to raise the spirits. Talk to you later, who ever 'you' might be (a figment of my imagination?)
Phew
New Day, new post. Just went mad with some friends on friday, came home late last night. I won't tell anymore as I don't want to say anything, well, compromising.
Save it to say that we had more then enough fun and chaos, the russians would have been proud of us and the sun was not our friend in the morning.
Then we went out to a bar, one of us had a minor anxiety attack and we ran like hell for the safety of home. 14 hours of sleep, groggy as hell and not really interested in writing much more. I'll wait for another day (or another person) to write about yesterday.
Warning, Rant
I am truly impressed with Indonesian incompetence. I didn’t know it was possible to be as completely useless as they are, while still managing to maintain independence. Maybe they are independent because nobody wants them anymore. ‘That bunch of corrupt idiots who can’t even spell ‘I’ correctly? Beautiful country, shame about the people, nuke ‘em. Its for their own good, at least then they will have a chance in a few thousand years.’
Why am I ranting at the Indonesians? Well, it was the plan to go to Batam this weekend, but that has gone up in smoke due to some unforeseen circumstances. The initial problem was of my own making, I had forgotten that they had recently started an anti tourist policy, whereby they try to make everybody pay lots of money to enter the country, so that they go elsewhere instead (I think it’s a plot by the Malaysians).
As you can guess from the ‘was the plan’ from above, their plan has succeeded admirably, as I’m now no longer going. We’ve been working since yesterday to get the bastard thing resolved (so that I would have a visa), but it was all for naught.
First off, the embassy maintains the public holidays from back home (Logical enough, after all everybody should know when the Indonesians have public holidays) so we couldn’t call them. Well, we could, but the pre recorded voice ignored our question.
So we tried other avenues to find out what the policy was. Now a very interesting thing happened. Have you ever heard of ‘put a hundred people in a room and you’ll have a hundred and one opinions’? Well, we found out that was wrong, its actually closer to infinity plus one.
This travel agent said ‘it normally takes three days and costs 90 dollars, but it can be done in one for an extra hundred dollars’. Another person says ‘oh, Bintan and Batam are different! Can just go across, show up at the stamp control place and they will let you in. They don’t want to kill their tourist industry, you see.’ Then there is the ‘it will only take an afternoon, no problem, just go down to the embassy before three’. Then there was the ‘you don’t need anything! Don’t worry, its all good’. Then there was the ‘you’ll need three working days, a photo, seventy dollars, a passport that will last for six months and a soft floppy pink dildo’. Unfortunately, that last one was the actual Indonesian embassy.
The worst case scenario, of course. Especially since I wanted to go tomorrows with all my friends (and a soft floppy, pink dildo at this hour? I can’t give mine, I've chewed on it).
So I’ve decided to say ‘Indonesia, you have converted me successfully! I will avoid your shores, like the plague. If you charge me money, that sucks, but I can survive that, if you want to make me wait, that sucks even more, but I’ll live with that (especially if extra money makes the wait shorters) but if you can’t even release a press statement that makes sure everybody knows what the hell is going on, then may yea all be buggered.’
Malaysia, truly asia! (better known as ‘hey, don’t forget about us! If none of the other countries want you, we’re still here! Well, except for if your Israeli, Israeli baaaaaad!’)
Boiling point
I did absolutely nothing of interest last night, so it wouldn’t be worth talking about. Which is fine, because I don’t really seem to talk about anything that actually happens in my day-to-day life on here anyway. Did buy my girlfriend an ‘epilator’ (which removes hairs from legs) but on the ‘oh that’s interesting’ scale that little fact probably turns the quick silver solid.
Did you know that quicksilver (mercury) freezes at about –40 (I think)? It was a real problem in Siberia, because it meant they didn’t have a clue how cold it was (on the good days). Of course, by that time water became rather hard to drink (aren’t I funny?), so they had to drink vodka (as that doesn’t freeze for a while yet). Well, at least they got to be drunk all day as they walked around in temperatures that meant you had to piss really hard so that they pee got a centimeters away before it freezes.
Yes, I can sink pretty damned low. Right, onto other subjects. I think I’m hormonally imbalanced. My girlfriend started in on the pill recently and I think I’m having sympathy hormones. I’m supposed to be a quite mellow guy, but these last couple of weeks I’m just feeling a range of emotions that I can normally control quite well. Including, and this is a bit scary, uncertainty. Lets just say that when people are arranged between ‘shy’ and ‘self confident’ you can normally rank me somewhere among the ‘messiah complex’ group. Of late, however, I’m having a bit of trouble with all of that.
I’m not sure why. Just started a new job, you would guess that would make me feel more comfortable (after all, I’m finally paying as well as talking) and I’m hanging with a good group of people. The thing is, I’m feeling my years and I’m noticing that there just might not be enough of them. That might be because I’m the youngest in the group, but that hasn’t ever been a problem before. What’s going on, Mr. teddy?
Intelligence Agency Laugh Test
Alright, this is just too good to not put up. Straight from an
article in the New York Times.
First some quick background information Chalabi is the guy who the US relied on for almost all of their pre war intelligence. He was the actual first choice for prime Minster or president, by many of the US government ‘Hawks’ (neo cons). He was formerly already considered guilty of embezzlement and other criminal charges in other parts of the world and fell out of favour with the CIA after they considered him ‘untrustworthy’. Anyway, he has fallen out of favour again with the current administration due to the possibility that he might have leaked information. That should be enough information, now read this bit:
"Government officials say they started the investigation of Pentagon officials after learning that Mr. Chalabi had told the Baghdad station chief of Iran's intelligence service that the United States was reading their communications. Mr. Chalabi, American officials say, gave the information to the Iranians about six weeks ago, apparently because he wanted to ensure that his secret conversations with the Iranians were not revealed to the Americans.
But the Iranian official apparently did not immediately believe Mr. Chalabi, because he sent a cable back to Tehran detailing his conversation with Mr. Chalabi, American officials said. That cable was intercepted and read by the United States, the officials said."
Amazing, isn’t it? For once I agree with Perle, who said that this doesn’t pass the ‘Laugh Test’. It would mean that one of the top intelligence officials of the Iran would be a completely twit. Hard to believe, considering some of the other evidence out there (concerning the Iranian spy and all that) all right, I’ll leave you with that, enjoy.
Right, don't ask
Thursday morning, feels like a Monday. That’s probably because yesterday felt like Saturday, it being a free day and all, but that means somebody stole my Sunday. Well, at least this new week only has a Monday and a Friday, with the twilight zone from Tuesday till Thursday conveniently removed, for our enjoyment.
Must be those bloody aliens again, those aliens and their pranks! Crop Circles, Abduction, Cattle Mutilation, Elvis Pressley, Peanut Butter. Man, they really know their stuff! “Hey, lets go play a prank on that farmer and kill half his cattle!” “Cool!”
Like the galactic version of cow tipping. “Hey, look how surprised this cow looks when I remove his Liver!”
For some reason, I’m imagining they’ve got goofy American accents and wear baseball bats backwards[ed. it was supposed to be caps, but this slipped out, so be it]. Though I’m not sure if I want goofy American stoners as aliens, even in my imagination (Dude, what does this button do?)
Oh, for those people unaware of what cow tipping is, here follows a short explanation. Cow tipping is something done in small villages, after copious amounts of alcohol. A couple of lads go out into the field, trying their hardest to walk softly enough, so as not to wake the cows, and then move into a field with, (surprise surprise) lions.
Lions you ask? No, cows actually, (not funny, I know, but then you don’t read this Blog to be amused by my sharp wit, do you? No! You don’t! You don't read it at all! You bastard! YOU ANIMALS! YOU, WITH YOUR DAMNED PEANUT BUTTER!). Anyways, so they (the young lads) move over to the cow, which is sleeping (Cows sleep standing up, for those of you who missed cowology 101). They then take the long, thick pole they conveniently took (I might not have mentioned it, to begin with, but they have a pole (the young men, not the cows (cows are female, they don’t have poles)) stick it in the ground, under the cow’s belly and then lift. The result? A surprised moo and a ground shaking thump as the cow falls over.
Now the humour is in the facial expression of the cow. It’s somewhere between ‘ooh, it’s a train’ and ‘mad cow disease? I’m not worried! I’m a canary!’ Right, so that’s cow tipping.
Last night we went to see Peter Kruder (from Kruder and Dorfmeister) at Heineken Greenroom. Good music, but like always they started too late and I felt it my moral duty to leave early. Still, only managed to get a few hours of sleep, so I’ll use that as the excuse for why my sense of humour resides somewhere between a feather duster and… a jar of peanut butter.
Did enjoy the beach, though. That was nice.
It feels like I'm back in school
Or, at least, the good bits of school.
When I went to school in Holland (back in the day when I was still young, the grass was still green and the Wright Brothers were still in diapers, dreaming of poopy rather than the sky) we used to get half days of on Wednesday and it was brilliant. Of course they have gotten rid of that service well enough, can't have kids loitering around the streets, learning things about real life, now can we? Heck, they might just have some fun and if there is anything I hate, its beaming children faces and the tinkling laughter of kids playing in the sun. Its better we put ‘em in school and torture ‘em with maths so that they will learn to hate everything that has to do with academics, in their later life! That way they can be productive factory shop workers, where thinking isn’t required and they wont require sunlight, since they’ve never really seen it anyway.
Right, sorry about that, but I am enjoying today. Hope you are too, where ever and what ever you might be, I think you should enjoy today. No, I have no idea what I’m going on about either, but just let me ramble and maybe something useful will come forth. A bit like a million monkeys with a million monkeys producing the entire works of Shakespeare. I wonder if Shakespeare is ever offended by the fact that we compare his work to the scribbled nonsense of a million monkeys.
I guess we could use Einstein, but then we would be stuck with the problem that most normal typewriters don’t have all the characters necessary for his theories, so then we would have to buy more specialised typewriters, which, as we well know, would be more expensive. So, be logical reasoning, Shakespeare is a better victim of our ruminations.
No, don’t worry, I’m as lost as you are, I’m just waiting for these mysterious monkeys to come and take me away.
“We are Shakespeare’s monkeys, you will be assimilated, would you like to scratch my balls?”
Not that you need to be a monkey to scratch somebody else’s balls. I scratch other people’s balls all the time. Complete strangers, as a matter of fact and they let me! No lie, swear upon my second cousin’s (by marriage) grave! (not that many deaths in the family, you see) I shoot the white ball, hit stripes, instead of solids and I’ve just scratched their balls. Bit vulgar really. (Yes, it was a very bad pun, but at least it was comprehensible). So, I’ll leave you with one final thought.
Can God create a rock he cannot lift?
Things you wish you could say at work
Stole this from a
Web Site fair and square
1. Ahhh...I see the stupid fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burnoff.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
31. You!... Off my planet!
32. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
33. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
34. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
35. Allow me to introduce my selves.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
40. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
42. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
43. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
44. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
45. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
46. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
49. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
50. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Kudos to my Babe!
Her blog is up for a week and she's already getting more hits then all my other Blogs did together
Yeay for my girlfriend!
Oh yeah, and she said lots of nice things about me on her Blog, which definitely helps. [put big stupid grin here.... if I used smileys]
Okay, back to my article... yes I know I'm not supposed to be writing it right now but my boss is MC and what she don't know can't hurt her...
On that note, do you think biological weapons can therefore not hurt us? After all, I know sh*t all about them, so by that reasoning, that therefore means they wouldn't be able to affect me, bloat me and/ or make me suffer through a load of horrible pain before I suffocate on my own heart.
Right, I seem to have a slight morbid streak.
Planet Fatness
It’s an early Tuesday morning, but that’s alright because tomorrow is a free day (yeay). Decided to put up a link for your consideration, something to get the gray matta going on this day. Its a link to an article in the Washington Post called
Car Drives Up Weight, Study Finds.
If we ignore the rather terrible pun, then the article is actually interesting. Basically, if you spend a lot of time driving, then you have a significantly higher chance of being obese, if, on the other hand, you spend more time walking, then you have significantly /less/ chance of being obese.
Then they spout some numbers to support it.
So, as everybody already knew, but has now been backed up (yet again) walking is good for you. Of course, the article can't help but mention that there are then some people out there that have to point out that that might not be the case at all, but rather that healthy people are more likely to walk.
That still doesn't chance, of course, that it’s healthy to walk. After all, either you're healthy because you walk or you walk because your healthy, either way, the fact that you walk points to you being healthy. tataaa!
Right, back to work, talk about something more interesting (i.e. myself (shameless!)) tomorrow.
